I swear academy is mostly a blur. It was only in 2007 for goodness sake. But,seems so long ago already.
For us academy was a little ways away. Not too far, about an hour. They stayed there Monday-Thursday. Instead of leaving early on Monday morning, they would stay over on Sunday usually. Sending him off on Sunday evening was really difficult. It was weird. I'd then have to get kids ready for bed and climb into an empty bed. Empty for 4 days. Bam, no getting used to it slowly, you are sleeping alone for multiple days asap. When he hit 24's, it was a piece of cake.
Academy was all about him. When he was home he was studying or possibly hanging out with the guys for some down time. He studied with the guys frequently and I've heard they even put the video games down and studied for real at times. lol I didn't plan family stuff he needed to be at or expect him to be at any events. He didn't miss out on anything, but I didn't plan anything out of the norm.
Typing that out makes it look like he was some jerk that didn't do anything with the family all those weeks. Not at all. He missed us terribly and spent a lot of time with us on the weekends to catch up. But, I didn't EXPECT him to. I think that was a difference maker.
When he came home on Thursday night he would say if he needed extra study time. If that was the case then I planned on getting the kids out of the house so he could hit it harder.
The biggest thing I learned about academy is to get over all feelings of jealousy. He had these people he was now really close to. I wasn't used to sharing him. When he came home we both had a lot of catching up to do. It was so crazy for me to hear about these people that he was now so close to, that I had never met.
The next big thing academy taught me was not to get used to any schedule. That's how the rest of his career will go. Once I finally got used to the bed alone, no sharing the tv most days of the week, he was done with academy. I swear it was that fast. From academy they went on days for a few weeks and that set the house upside down again. Then shift started and I had to get used to sleeping alone again.
Academy was rough for everyone. Don't forget that when they come home, it's difficult for them to hear how much they have missed. Still tell them everything, but just be aware that some days it might make them a little sad.
Do you have any tips for surviving fire academy?
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My boyfriend just started the fire academy last week, and I am having a hard time adjusting. We don’t have any children, for which I am thankful because the way our relationship dynamic has changed is enough for me. It’s small things like I suddenly have all the time in the world to watch what I want to watch without contention, on a couch without another person. I see him every day, but it’s lonely now. So, all in all, I don’t have have tips to survive the academy, but rather seeking advice from someone who has experienced it.
Does it stay this way when he’s actually on the job and in a house?
The being alone does get better for most people, but you you must put the work at not sitting around and depressing yourself. I run into so many wives that just want to wallow in the loneliness instead of enjoying the time alone to work on their own things and find their own hobbies.
It’s a huge change but it’s awesome. Right now mine is on vacation for 18 days and I’m going out of my mind without any time to myself.
See, that’s the problem. Once you get used to a schedule…it will change lol
My boyfriend is currently 8 weeks into a 22 week academy. He’s adjusting more easily than I am. Its not easy, and its not fair. Physically, my responsibilities in our home feel like they have doubled. I don’t expect him to help me with these responsibilities, but part of the experience is learning to balance everything. Everyone says “Don’t expect to have an SO for 6 months, blah blah blah” and I disagree. I am pulling most if not all of the weight at home. Thankfully we do not have any children, but we do have stressors from our families and I am in Nursing School during this time. Our stress levels are through the roof.
So when he comes home, he’s exhausted, I’m exhausted. I take care of everything else so he can get stuff done. It makes it easier for us to get at each others throats with silly disagreements or if he said something that hurt my feelings.
I don’t care how tired he is, I will not cut him slack for being cranky when I am just as cranky with a decent attitude.
You guys are a team and have to work together during this time.
Will you argue? Yeah, probably a few times, but nothing major.
Communicate and forgive each other. It won’t be easy, but its possible!
If you are both in school then there should not be one taking care of everything. That needs to get brought back up as you are both stressed out and overloaded.
Like the comment above, I don’t have any advice but I found your site looking for some. My fiancé started fire academy in early November, and I’m having a hard time adjusting to certain parts of it. I am so thrilled and happy that he got into the academy and that he is hanging in there. However with his schedule it’s hard for him to take care of certain things that I can’t do. Sometimes paperwork will come in the mail for him that needs attention, or I try to mow the lawn but the mower won’t turn on… silly sounding stuff, I know (we don’t have kids), but it’s those little things that add up and stress me out. I don’t want to bother him when he’s home, I know he needs time to unwind… but how do I ask for the things I need too? I also work and am completing my degree in May, so it’s not like I just sit around all day. I just worry that his job will always take precedence over my needs. Help!
Some things just don’t get done for a while. And that’s ok. You’re too busy and he’s too busy. That’s just the point you are in life.
For paperwork, I suggest having a place that important papers go and make sure that both of you check it regularly. As far as house stuff, do the minimum and don’t be afraid to ask him to do things that are driving you crazy. It’s not like you are sitting on your butt all day waiting for him to come take care of everything.
He just got hired on and it’s stressful. It takes a while to settle in for both of you. It’s all consuming at first. When academy is over and he’s stationed somewhere it helpls. Once probation is over it allows some breathing room again. But it is very stressful and it is a time that I had to put him first. It was something we both worked years for him to get to and it was worth every bit of the sacrifice and stress.
I really appreciate finding this blog post…my husband is starting academy in Dec. We have 2 kiddos and Im really nervous of the ordeal. I try not to think too much into it just know my main role is to be his support. But everything you mentioned about jealousy and not expecting is crucial. And i know that i will have to fight those things off when they come. Cause like you i have never shared my hubs before i cant possibly imagine doing that…but thank you for writinf this. I will read it again in November and probably once every week until it starts 🙂
First thing Alexandra, literally take a deep breath. You are in for a ride, but this is the hardest part. Once you get through academy and probation you are on your way to settling in.
Some have no problem sharing, others like us have never done that before and it’s really difficult. But, it’s made my husband a better father and husband to have this extended family 🙂
I don’t have any advice, but I have actively been looking for some the last few weeks. I am 21 and a junior in college, my boyfriend is a senior. He has been a student fire fighter for our university the last few years and did a 6-week student academy, but has been hired full time and starts the big league academy in a few days. Most advice I am finding online comes from wives and families, I’m nervous because we can’t relate to any of that. On top of everything he will be going through the next 6 months I still have school full time and a possible internship over the summer that will take me 8 hours away from him. So a big SOS on how to cope with distance and balancing our lives, I’m so so anxious. I want to be there for him with full support but I need support as well.
Hi Ari, if you are on facebook, I encourage you to join http://facebook.com/groups/womenbehindthefire I’m sure some ladies on there can help. I know of one girlfriend going through the long distance thing right now 🙂
I literally googled “how to survive fire academy” and came across your blog and I’m so happy I did! Like a lot of these other posts, I am seeking advice. My husband is in week 12 of his academy and everything has seemed to be going fine up to this point- we have a six month old baby girl which has definitely made things harder for both of us, but we’ve made it work so far. He’s had a really rough week and tonight he came home feeling so beat up mentally and physically and said he was thinking of quitting. I was shocked to hear this because he’s been doing so well and I know fire is his first love and what he wants to do more than anything; I really don’t want to see him walk away from this and regret it down the road. When you went through this did your husband ever have these feelings? I’m doing my best to give him advice and get us through these last 6 weeks but it’s tough. Do you have any advice on what I can say/do to help him get through it?
Oh man, he’s going through rough work at academy. Testing non-stop. And then he knows how much he’s missing at home with your baby. It really wears on them.
Remind him how hard you have BOTH worked and wanted this for him. That if he wants to quit, he needs to actually give it a try and get on the job first. Remind him that school always sucks and this is the hard part. Getting through the sucky!
If you need more tips, join my group exclusively for firewives and even more wives can help you. We have some that are in academy right now! http://facebook.com/groups/wifebehindthefire