Choose Happy

Whining about all the crap that we have no control over ruins relationships and makes you miserable for so many reason. There are things in the FireLife we can't change, but we sure can take a different approach to how those things affect us.


How we choose to live this life is up to us. Instantly download the free Never Alone ebook now and get tips for being happier every day.

firewife never fights alone

I support FireWives truthfully.


No blowing smoke at you or using scare tactics to get you to conform to my way of thinking. We all have our own path to take based on our experiences.


I have decades of personal experience as a FireWife and gladly share things that have worked and not worked for myself. I've been listening and working with 1000's of FireWives online since 2008 and can share different ideas to try in similar situations.


I'm grateful for an amazing community where retired FireWives wish to stay and share their tips and experience with the next generations!

In October I held a free FireWife Summit with resources and discussion about mental health. 


You can catch all the replays!

Sign up now!

firewife summit ptsd

Check out the latest posts:

firewife self-care tips

And I am somehow supposed to find time to refill my own tank? Seriously?!?  I can’t make time for me when I didn’t even give my oldest kid one-on-one time today. We skipped the last errand because the kids were losing their minds and I was just done, so I don’t deserve time just for me. 

grow your support system

As pack animals, relationships are a big part of life. Everyone needs them. Yes, even if you are an introvert. You're married right or you wouldn't be here. We crave support and kinship. 

even old firewives worry

If you are new to Wife Behind the Fire, welcome. I'm excited you found the site and I really do want to get to know you better. I'm going to get a little personal here because I feel that leading by example works. Even us old firewives have to battle the worry at times.

Have you ever thought about how it would feel to be able to achieve anything you want during your lifetime?

no conventional dates

A funny thing happened when I gave up on date nights. I didn’t miss them. 

both work shifts

I heard a rumor that there was an opening at one of the local, well known, flight programs.

profile picture

Val Selby

Empowerment Coach

About Me

I've been the queen of pity parties and all they did was make me a miserable person. I was so focused on everyone else for years that I thought of self-care as being selfish. Generations of FireWives doing everything alone and not passing on what they've learned has made many bitter wives out there. Time for that to change.


It's time for those of us in the latter years of the service to share what we've learned and the younger generation to help us see how times are changing right this moment. Join me as we make great changes in how our spouses work and how we deal with it all.

I wish I had found you when I was a young firewife with a bunch of kids, running around like a crazy person because he was gone so often.?

Instead I found you later and rather than helping me navigate those early years you helped me come to terms with the last years of his career.

Dawn H.

dawn halter

I'm thankful for the workshops Val Selby puts on. She's really helped me think things through and make some real changes in my life. I'm calmer and happier and things are definitely looking up.

Laurie S.

laurie S profile

Copyright 2020 by Wife Behind the Fire