Mind Over Matter!

Mind over matter!  I find myself clinging to that mantra a lot as a FireWife.  Especially with the history my firefighter husband and I endured.  The past can never truly be buried deep enough.  It always seems to nudge it's way through my thoughts as I go about my...

Wait, you BOTH work shift work?

A little over 2 years ago, I got this crazy idea to apply for a different type of job than I had previously been working.  For years, I worked at the local community hospital as an ED nurse on an "as needed" basis.  As our children got a little older, I started...

Laundry Basket Fortress

It's a never ending cycle. Wash. Dry. Throw it in a basket. Maybe take it upstairs. If you're lucky you have a main floor laundry. Sometimes you have to scramble 2 minutes before needing to leave to find the matching sock for the three year old and oh wait..the baby...

Chronic Illness: Taking care of YOU first.

Like many of you, I am a woman who wears many hats; wife, mother, legal assistant, sister, best friend, and so on…. But I also wear the hat of “patient”.  Along with millions of other people on the planet, I struggle with chronic illnesses.  I have been diagnosed with...

Tough Calls During Tough Times

Some time ago, my husband and I went through a rough patch in our marriage. I was shaken and scared of what waited ahead for us, and he was stubborn and unmovable. This all happened over a very busy weekend. The following Monday, was a scheduled meeting with his...

angry firewifeSometimes I’m angry.

There are times it’s really tough to head up a website and large group of women. Ok, truth, there are a lot of times it’s tough. That’s a lot of hormones lol

But, the toughest thing for me is listening to wives that think they should be second to the fire dept and really seem to believe it.

It’s hard to listen to wives that are trudging through each day and not enjoying it.

Do you know how long you have in this life? I sure don’t and I don’t intend to waste days upon days being miserable.

I don’t know who started this thought process that we need to bow down, roll over and be the doormat because our firefighters are doing hero things. That our needs don’t matter because it’s for the greater good.



My life nor my marriage are perfect and I will never pretend they are. But, one thing is for certain and always has been for certain. The fire dept doesn’t and never has come before me and the kids and the life we want to create together. We committed to each other and we also committed to these kids we brought into the world.

If you are feeling second to the dept, I challenge you to have a calm discussion about your feelings. Your firefighter needs to know this is how you feel. They can not read your mind. But, please make sure it’s during a calm time, not when you are angry. It has to be a time that you are both open to feedback and real discussion.

Consider your wording. Be careful of putting them on the defense and be very careful that your wording doesn’t sound like you are making them choose. Ultimatums can only be used once and then you have to follow through, they are rarely productive. They are destructive.

But, this email is about way more than that. This email is about you.

Why don’t you believe you can have it all?

Who told you that wasn’t possible?

At what point did you decide to put your happiness aside “for the greater good”?

What would make you happier? Do you even know?

What makes us happy changes through the seasons and the years. It’s something we need to look at periodically. I believe all of us can find our happy and that every one of us has a different idea of what will make us happy.

I believe this so much that I’ve kept my 30 days to a Happier YOU challenge free for everyone to take. It’s ready for you to dig into now. Most of the daily challenges are quick, just to get you thinking and moving forward.

I believe when we are happy, our entire house becomes a happier place. We’re able to deal with the crap the firelife throws at us better. We’re able to spread the happy.

But, you can’t be happy if you don’t know what will make you happy. Don’t know what your life goals are. Don’t know what in the world you want to do.

Been there and I have to check in and figure out what I want. Heck, just coming out the other side of going through this as we had multiple, huge life changes all at once. I was lost and barely knew what would make me happy.

So, dig into the challenge and find out how you can be happier in your life. I’m not asking you to leave everything and pull a Thelma & Louise, nope, just figure out how you can be happier in your little corner of the universe 🙂

Living no regrets,

val selby firewife

Post By Val (210 Posts)

Sarcastically working through the craziness that is life as a FireWife! Hope you also join us on the social media accounts where we chat all night long!

Website: → Wife Behind the Fire


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